Vanilla!
by Starlyte
Summary: When you're dealing with college and surrounded by lunatics, is the glass always half empty? Sora tells it like it is. [Shonen ai: RxS, LxC]. T for language.
1. College Life and Mr Strife

Well p33ps, welcome to my first ever fanfiction. One hopes it will bring you all much joy and so on. Reviews would be immensely appreciated!

I'm sorry for making everyone (especially Mr. Strife) hilariously out of character. I hope you'll forgive me.

Disc: Don't own it, don't make money off it, just love writing it.

Anyway, on with the show!

* * *

HOW ATROCIOUS.

HOW TERRIBLE.

HOW OUTRAGEOUS.

"LEON, WE'RE OUT OF WEETOS!"

…

"LEON, WE ARE OUT OF W-E-E-T-O-S!"

…

"LEON, WE'RE OUT OF MILK!"

Bang bang bang. CRASH. Door off hinges. Enter red-faced loon.

"What? What was that! I could have sworn I bought some yesterday!" he raged, charging over to the fridge and almost breaking the door on that too in his milk-worry enduced haste. He actually went goo-eyed with relief as he grasped a fresh carton and went at it with gusto, dribbling some down his front. The things you see when you don't have a camera.

"Yeah, I lied. It's Weetos we're out of," I said, fearing he might drown himself if he didn't slow down. He finally stopped, placed what was left of the carton lovingly back in the fridge and rounded on me.

"Sora you shit, I nearly fell down the stairs! Don't ever do that again," he ordered. He was looking at me like I'd just shat through the letterbox. I will never understand him. Ever.

"Leon, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you need to go to some sort of milk-rehab resort. I'm sure there are plenty of other crazy milk people there you'll get along well with. Maybe you'll meet a crazy milk lady and fall in love," I rambled trying to lighten his mood, failing miserably and only lowering mine by remembering Kairi's heinous scheme vis a vis Cloud and… Leon and… togetherness; she'd called me in the dead of night to tell me of her new plan to interfere with other people's love-lives. Quite possibly because hers isn't going anywhere. Leon gave his classic 'I am not best amused' face and stormed out, leaving me alone in this Weeto-less wonderland.

Me and Leon share this little apartment/house deely and go to the same college, but he's in the year above me and Kai, and a raging milk fiend.

Ah well, time to wash and garb myself, for today is Monday and there is learning afoot. I went up to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and washing my face before pulling on a pair of jeans and blue t-shirt and heading out the front door towards El Kai's house. I was there in record time, stopping only to poke a jellyfish with a stick, and found her sitting on her doorstep in her new sunglasses. And clothes, obviously. She flashed me a big, cheesy smile before jumping up and running over to me to give me the usual bone-crushing hug; she really does not know her own strength, and I for one am not going to be the one to tell her.

We began walking to school, her chattering mere white noise to me as I put all my energies into hoping she had forgotten about her 'genius' plan.

"You're not even listening to me. I bet you're putting all your energies into hoping I've forgotten my genius plan."

DAMN YOU, ENERGIES! Oh well, time to face the music I suppose. And by face the music I mean change the subject.

"It's not that it's not a good plan," I began, patting her little red head, "I just don't think that there's a chance it'll work what with Leon being Leon. Haha speaking of Leon, you should have been there this morning, it was dastardly. I--"

"Sora! Don't try to change the subject, this is personal to me!" she cut in; it's creepy how she can see right through me, like I'm some sort of gelatin dessert.

"How is it personal to you? It has nothing to do with you, you're just sticking your nose into other, and might I add very angry, people's business."

"Well, I just like it. I haven't set anybody up since Selphie and Kadaj and it is getting me down. I like to think of myself as quite the puppetmaster," she replied, doing hand motions as though she were holding puppets. I decided to give up, realising all attempts to sway her would be beyond futile.

"Well on your fat head be it," I remarked, which I'll admit earned the punch on the arm I received in response. We soon reached the college gates, Kairi releasing a resounding 'Noooooooooooo!' when we saw Tidus standing there with his 'gang', a motley crew comprised mainly of those with an IQ less than seventy and thick-headed blitzballers. Tidus was hell-bent on getting Kairi out on a date with him, but he is rather out of luck, what with Kairi being a lesbian and all. No-one has told him though, or perhaps they have and it just did not permeate his swelled head, either way he hasn't stopped asking her out. At first she was quite a good sport, saying things like 'I'm just not interested in a relationship' and so on, but they got gradually nastier. I believe the last one was 'I'd rather set fire to myself'.

Ol' Tidus spotted us soon enough, whispered something to someone next to him and jogged over to us, his white teeth blaring against his heavily tanned skin. Oh, here we go. I hoped Kairi had another turn-down ready.

"Kai, babe," he began, not acknowledging my wonderful self at all, "the college is planning a dance for next Friday, wanna be my date for the night? I'll show you a good time." Oh shit, I had to shove my fist in my mouth at that. He's too much.

"Tidus, Tidus, Tidus," Kairi said, smiling sadly as though she pitied him, "I'm sorry but…"

"But what?" he asked, apparently confused (a rare occurrence… not).

"I…"

"You what, babe?"

"I'd rather make love to a cactus."

OH. MY. GOD. The fist came flying out of my mouth amid a storm of hysterical laughter, making people all around turn to stare at the three of us. Tidus went sensationally red with anger and muttered something incomprehensible before turning and storming into the building, past his friends' confused faces. Kairi giggled and bent to see if I was okay, what with me being doubled up with painful laughs.

"Did I go too far?" she asked, smiling.

"N… nono that was classic," I choked, straightening up. Goodness, that's put me in a good mood that has. We walked into college and went straight to the vending machine as per usual for the morning Skittles fix, most vital if we were to stay awake for the whole of English Literature. It was as I was bent over retrieving my bag of multi-coloured goodies that Kairi slapped me on the back of the head and squealed in excitement.

"Ow… what!" I asked, standing and rubbing the offended area. She was grinning like an idiot and staring down the corridor, so I followed her gaze, stomach turning to lead as I saw Cloud Strife standing by his locker with a couple of friends. He was wearing a baby pink t-shirt with faded jeans, and doing, for reasons I'd rather not know, the macarina. I looked to my side to say to Kairi something along the lines of 'He looks busy' to see no-one there, her having sped off up the corridor sans warning to join in the unexplained dancing. Upon seeing this, Cloud laughed and carried on, his moves becoming more exuberant. Christ, I'd better stop this nonsense before it turns into some sort of competition face-off type thing. Nobody wants to see that.

"Hey, guys!" I said loudly, jogging over to them. They mercifully stopped their merriment, Cloud beaming at me before flapping over to give me a hug.

"Sora! Too long it's been, TOO long!"

"It's only been a weekend."

"The days feel like years whence spent away from you!" Bless his fancy pants. His enthusiasm is so catchy, like Kairi's when she comes up with some hair-brained scheme.

"Never a truer word!" I yelled, sounding like some sort of deranged pantomime character and hugging him again. I turned to see Kairi standing with Yuffie and Axel, who must have been with Cloud before we interfered like the rudey-bums we are.

"Taste the rainbow," she was saying to Axel, offering her packet of Skittles.

"No thank you."

"TASTE IT."

"Ooer… okay," he said meekly, taking a purple one.

"Kairi!" I shouted, "stop being an ass. Didn't you want to talk to Cloud anyway?"

"Oh, that's right!" She bounded over to us, pulling on Cloud's arm and leading him round the corner, me tagging along behind. Good grief, I hope he thinks this plan is as ridiculous as I do, which was not altogether likely what with Cloud being as camp as a pink tent and Leon being the resident sexy-and-mysterious type at the college. Kairi veered off into a stock cupboard, and we were soon seated on boxes of exercise books and spare computer parts.

"OOH, SECRETS!" burst Cloud, looking thoroughly over-excited and bouncing up and down on his little seat.

"Yay! I mean, we have a proposition for you Mr. Strife. What do you think of Sora's lovable, huggable, molestable house-mate Mr. Leonhart?" said Kai, trying to keep the excitement out of her own voice and failing miserably. I had to give her cred for mentioning Leon's name and the word 'huggable' in the same sentence, a fate I would not have thought possible.

"Well, I wouldn't kick him out of bed! Oooh, I wouldn't mind tying him down and-- "

"Whooo, let's keep it PG hey kids?" I barged mid-fantasy, fearing that had he continued I would have to stick kebab skewers in my ears. Cloud giggled and apologised.

"Why do you ask?" he said, turning back to Kairi, who seemed unable to keep the terrifying, cheshire cat-esque smile off her face. She looked like a woman possessed.

"That is for us to know and you to… not know. Anyway, I do believe it's time for English!" she cackled, jumping up and leaving the cupboard in what she must have thought was a very enigmatic fashion. I sighed and followed her, Cloud on my heels obviously deep in thought about Kai's leaving statement. Or he needed the toilet, I don't know. We arrived at English class late, not that I was bothered though as Mrs. Thomas was arsing about at the front of the room writing jibberish on the whiteboard.

It was only when me and Cloud were seated that I noticed there was someone I didn't recognise sitting the other side of me. Now normally, I'm all for invading a new student's privacy, but there was something about this guy that stopped me. He had shiny black hair down to just below his shoulders, and was wearing a black t-shirt with grey jeans; nothing out of the ordinary I hear you squeal, but he just had an… aurora? Is that the word? Oh I don't know, I was never very good at Scrabble. But whatever it was, it was giving me the heebie-jeebies.

Apparently he was yesterday's news though, or else Mrs. Thomas had forgotten about him because he wasn't introduced at the beginning of the lesson. I turned to Cloud on the other side of me to enquire about the guy's aurora, but he was filing his nails and humming to himself and I thought it best to not disturb.

"Right! Today we are going to continue with our study of Of Mice and Men!" Mrs. Thomas's voice came, shrill over the chunter of the classroom; nobody took her lessons very seriously, something which seemingly evaded her notice, "we're going to do roleplay."

"Ooh, kinky," Cloud muttered, making me snort with laughter.

"What's so funny Mr. Conolly? You can be Candy," came the bint's voice. Eeergh, why do I get stuck being some old grandad with a mouldy dog? Woe is me indeed. She allocated everyone else a character, except one.

"Okay, who wants to be Curley's Wife?" she asked. Cloud's hand shot into the air.

"I'll do it Mrs. Thomas!" he chimed, a toothy smile winging her way.

"Er… okay Mr. Strife," she said uncertainly, Cloud clapping his hands together happily, "we'll start from where we left off, in Crook's bunk. Please stand up when it is your turn to speak."

And so it began. For the most part it was pretty monotonous, apart from Cloud's flamboyant female accent whenever it was Curley's Wife's turn to speak. I heaved myself up to my feet when it was Ol' Candy's turn, and was continuously berated for my lack of accent and/or enthusiasm. We were nearing the end of the scene, when it was the old fart's turn to speak again. I stood up wearily.

"Come on Lennie, time to--" but I had to leave the class in suspense as to what exactly what it was time to do, as the door opened and the person of my dreams walked in. He had long, silvery hair that floated behind him as he walked, eyes the most clear, cerulean blue, and the tightest ass I'd ever seen in my life; he was carrying a note in his godly hand, making his way up to the front of the room. It was all slow motion. Everything was brighter and clearer. I could have sworn I could hear a chorus of 'Why do birds suddenly appear' … until I realised it was because Cloud was singing it.

It was only then I noticed that I'd dropped my copy of Of Mice and Men, and my mouth was open. And I was just… staring! Like some sort of UNSTOPPABLE IMBECILE! SIT DOWN SORA! I flopped into my seat and sank as low as I could go, the whole class giggling away. Ohh God, shutup shutup shutup. What WAS that! He's a DUDE! And I was eyeballing him like there was no tomorrow!

The boy was just standing at the front of the class, oblivious to what everyone was laughing about. I hope he doesn't look my way, you could fry a fucking egg on my face. After what felt like about ten years of neverending agony, the laughter subsided, and the boy left. Kai turned around in her seat to look at me, the most evil, most scheming look on her face, before doing Puppetmaster hands. If she dares. If she very dares. I shook my head violently, but she just turned back around.

I hastily ripped a piece of paper from my exercise book and scribbled a note:

"_don't you DARE kai, i'll never ever speak to you, ever again. that will be the end of our friendship. finito. good day."_

And I threw it at her. It fell down the front of her tank top, which made her squeak. She pulled it out, receiving a fair few strange glances, and read. Not long after, she sent one back:

"_but sora, that was the look of LUUUUUURVE! it would be a crime to let that little fish fly by."_

ARGH! She was really going to do it. I sent her another note:

"_I MEAN IT! it was nothing! I just got a bit distracted is all."_

She sent a final one back:

"_T3H PUPPETMAST000R HAS SP0K3N!"_

I hate her, I really, really do. With a great, big, fiery pash. I'd have to talk to her after the lesson, and by talk I mean there would be some serious bribery afoot. I'm talking cheesecakes galore. Anything so she would keep her big fat mouth shut. Oh Lord, I wished the freaking bell would go.

"Vincent?" Mrs. Thomas suddenly spoke, having been sat on her ass for about five minutes fannying about on her laptop. I pondered who she could have been speaking to, seeing as there wasn't a Vincent in our class, when the boy next to me lifted his head from his arms and looked up expectantly. It was only then that I saw his eyes, the goddamn weirdest eyes I'd ever seen; blood red. I couldn't stop staring at them, until I shook myself and was reminded of where uncontrolled staring had landed me ten minutes ago.

"Yes Mrs. Thomas?" he asked, his voice raspy, like he'd just woken up. He might have done actually, I don't know.

"You have an anger management session at eleven o' clock. Did you know?" Mrs. Thomas unashamedly asked.

"Yes, I did. But thank you for making it public," he deadpanned, which made me chuckle a little along with a few others as Vincent put his head back on his arms. I thought I heard him mutter 'Wench' under his breath.

I buried my head back in my Of Mice and Men book, which I had retrieved from the floor, concentrating my absolute darndest on reading and trying not to think of anything else. I knew I was going to have to eventually though, because it was one of _those_ thoughts; the type that creep after you and then barge in unexpectedly, like when you're trying to sleep (at home or in lesson) and when you're trying to_ bathe_. Stupid, stupid stalker thoughts.

The bell was very much welcome twenty minutes later, as I was giving myself a headache from all the aggressive reading. Kairi took off out the door like she had a rocket up her bottom to evade my planned swooping upon her and giving her an ear-full, so I was stuck with Cloud who was wearing a very smarmy expression indeed as we left the room.

"So," he said, his lips so tight from trying not to grin they'd turned white.

"What?"

"I would just like to say…"

"Yes?"

"…"

"…"

"…welcome to the team."

And with that, he buggered off down the corridor giggling. THAT'S IT. I'M GOING HOME. I stormed down the corridor and out through the gates, thinking I'd just call up the college when I got back and say I was ill and so on. I marched down the pathway and out onto the beach, past Kairi's house towards mine and Leon's place, my anger so immensely huge that I didn't even stop to poke the jellyfish on the way back.

Leon, being off college for the day was lying out on the porch catching some rays (glass of milk in hand) and I couldn't even be bothered telling him why I was back early; I walked past and went straight up to my room and collapsed on my bed, warm from the sun through the window.

It had been a strange day, indeed.

* * *

Phew! That was fun! I don't think that was particularly well-written, but I just need to set everything up. Like a big chessboard or something. With Cloud as the queen of course.

This was originally the second chapter, so I apologise if it seems like some things don't quite fit together, but I felt this one would make a better first chap.

Reviews! Reviews! How I loves them

Lots of love, Starlyte. x


	2. Drunken Ramblings

I wish to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapt-aaaay. They really made me smile )

lunarkitty14 : Kill me in my sleep you say? I daresay you'll have plenty of oppurtunity, if I'm not eating (or writing!) I'm asleep D Thanks for reviewing!

cycathewise: Australian? I wish! I'd love to live there. But you hate milk! Is that possible! Haha.

BishiexRomance: Thank you loads, I actually based Cloud on Jack from Will and Grace! Glad you enjoyed it!

NocturnalWriter: Yay, I loved the long-ness of your review ) I'm glad you like Leon & Cloud's characters!

Anyway, here is chapter three of Vanilla! I hope you like it!

* * *

_Where the fu__ck am I?_

_What's all this sand?_

_Palm trees? _

_A… giant clam?_

_Wait, it's opening! There's light everywhere! I wonder what's inside?_

_The top of a gleaming silvery head appeared as the clam's sides fell apart. Shimmering, shoulder-length hair fluttered in a gentle breeze, and was soon followed by a pair of captivating aqua eyes, pink lips, a strong chest, until the clam had totally unfurled to reveal a tall, muscular and totally naked…_

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

I sat bolt upright in my bed, arms flailing wildy to try and dispel the image still fresh in my mind. I was still mid-flail when Leon bust into my bedroom brandishing a spork and looking positively murderous. When he saw that no-one was in the room but myself, still feebly clawing at thin air with my hands, he lowered his weapon and tentatively sat on the end of my bed, his serial killer-esque countenance replaced by a thoroughly bemused one.

"Er… Sora? What are you doing?" he asked, clearly fearing for my sanity just as much as I was, my arms falling limply to my sides. His steely-beadies were fixed upon me with great apprehension. There was no way in ass I was going to tell him the truth though; he gets this awful pained expression on his face, not unlike the look one might get when one's underwear is severely bunching, when confronted with any kind of emotional problem.

"Well, I was asleep, and I was dreaming… as you tend to do when you're asleep," I twittered, noticing my voice sounded like someone had my nads in a nut-cracker.

"…and?"

And indeed. I had no idea where I was going with this one, it felt like someone had scooped my brain out, painted a room with it and shoved it back into my head. I opened and closed my mouth a few times, before making an involuntary barn-yard animal sound in frustration and putting my head in my hands, whilst Leon's own hand found my shoulder.

"I understand. I have bad dreams too sometimes," he said wistfully, gazing off into nothingness. He was wearing an expression on his face that suggested he had experienced tremendous heartache, which is something I would have found rather hilarious under normal circumstances but at that moment, laughing was the last thing I felt like doing.

"I doubt they're anything like the one I just had," I mumbled through my fingers, thinking that Leon's 'bad dreams' probably consisted of something unmentionable happening to his hair or all the corner shops being closed when he was having a midnight-milk-attack. Even if he wasn't shallow as a piss-puddle I doubt he'd have dreams about nude boys popping out of giant shellfish.

"Well it was just a dream wasn't it? You shouldn't get so worked up about it, it's not like it was real," he said scratching his chin, getting obviously bored with the proceedings and wishing he and his spork hadn't come up on the bounce.

"Thank you for those pearls of wisdom," I replied, shuddering at the pun I had inadvertently imparted, "have we got any alcohol in?"

"Of course."

"Well then. Let's get me nice and drunk."

"Sure thing."

Leon strode purposefully out of the room, and I rubbed my eyes wearily before following Leon to what was probably a huge mistake, but I was beyond not-bothered.

* * *

_1 hour later…_

"THIS IS SOME GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD SHIT AINT IT SORA!"

"Stop shouting assbag I'm… hiccup right here."

"TOLD YOU IT'D GET US DRUNK IN NOOOO TIME!"

"Uh huuuh it's… a bit good. But I think maybe you've had a weeeee bit too much."

"WHAT? WHO TURNED THE MUSIC OFF?"

"There was no music."

"WHAT? SHIT, WHERE'S THE MUSIC GONE?"

"There wasn't any dumbass, go and put some on."

…

"DANCE WITH ME SORA!"

"Mmmkay."

…

_Several line, ballroom, break and Irish dances later... _

"Heyyy Leon, whatdjew fink of dat Cloud guy in college?"

"Whozat, Cloud? The one that waz told off fer dancin on a table a few day or week ago?"

"Yeeeeah, datsa one."

"Dyou mean like… would I jump im?"

"Yeeeeah."

"Wouldn't say no I don't reckon…"

"Really?"

"Zzzzzz."

"Ay lad am talkin."

"Zzzzzz…"

* * *

"Conolly, watch what yer doin' with that goddamn buzzsaw!"

RAH! Shit, I nearly cut off my pinky! What would I make my wishes with! I am not 'with it' in any sense of the expression today; I must have only gotten around three hours of sleep last night thanks to Leon and his weird-ass foreign (and most probably illegal) alcohol. He's still at home crashed out on the couch, positively comatose; I tried to revive him countless times, even wafting a glass of milk under his nose but to no avail.

"Sorry Sir," I replied, taking off the comedic safety-goggles me and Cloud would fight over every lesson. Design Technology lesson that is, quite possibly my favourite ever, as I get to meddle to my heart's content with heavy machinery and so on under the 'watchful' eye of Hillbilly Highwind.

"You gonna do anythin' useful today Queenie?" he snapped at Cloud who was at that moment sat on a table with his t-shirt rolled up, gazing rather concernedly at his bellybutton. Cloud rarely did anything anyone in their right mind would deem 'useful' in _any_ of his lessons let alone this one, unless you count the time he stapled Tidus to his chair. He looked up at us, appearing to come out of some sort of reverie.

"Of course I'm not, what do you take me for?" he asked incredulously.

"Why did yeh take the damn lesson then if yer never gonna do anythin' worthwhile!"

"To be brutally honest with you Sir, I took this lesson because I thought Mr. Reeve would be teaching it."

"Cockwash! What's Reeve got that I haven't!" Mr. Highwind flared up. My spidey-senses are tingling. I'll most certainly have to barge into this conversation before Cloud says something inappropriate.

"It's not something he's _got_ per say, rather somewhere I'd like to _get_. Namely, in his pa--"

"OH MY GOD, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!" was the first thing that came to mind; Cloud mercifully broke off and he and Mr. Highwind turned, eyeballing me. Poo sticks, now what? I'd have to do something very grand indeed to get them to forget that they were fighting. After glancing around the room for inspirational purposes, I got down on my hands and knees, thinking I'd do a handstand. How hard could it be?

Very, I decided as I fell back to the ground with a resounding crash. Oooh, I did not sign up for this today. Cloud began to rush over to me, arms flapping in all directions whilst Mr. Highwind continued to eyeball me with increased intensity, most probably wondering what kind of drug I was on. I closed my eyes in immense exasperation.

"OH MY GOODNESS, HE'S DEAD! DON'T WORRY SORA, I'LL PERFORM CPR!" Cloud squealed as his 115 pounds of girly gay-manness fell on my chest. I didn't even have time to react until his big gob was all over my face, when I grabbed his shirt and forcibly heaved him off me.

"THE NEED!"

"Ohh Sora, you're alive! HE'S ALIVE!" he exclaimed, hugging me as I wiped the slobber off my face.

"Gerroffme."

"Right you are my darling," Cloud said as the class bell rang over our heads and the rest of the class filed out giving us stange, if not fearful glances. He helped me to my feet and the two of us set off out of the room to meet Kairi; the three of us were going to her house that night for what Cloud called a 'bitchfest'. He was rather excited about it, more so than I was, for Kai had said she was going to cook for us. Those CPR skills would probably come in handy.

"Are you okay anyway Sora? That was some fall you took," Cloud asked as we headed towards the gates.

"My ass is sore," I replied, having landed on it.

"So is mine, but that's another story!"

I didn't even see that one coming, such was the immensity of my tiredness. I may have to cancel on the bitchfest, lest I fall asleep in my undercooked food. I was just about to say something to Cloud about it when I remembered something of tremendous and utmost importance; Leon! Well, not Leon himself, for he is by no means important, but apart from the line dancing last night I recalled him saying something about Cloud; ooh, it was all falling into place like some sort of homoerotic jigsaw. I'm all for it now that I got an answer out of Leon and remained unscathed. The Puppetmaster will be proud of me indeed!

"Kairiiiiiiiiiiiii!" Cloud shouted as we approached. She jumped and turned around before waving rather erratically and smiling at us. Cloud bounced up and hugged her before launching into the Sora's Attempted Handstand story, which I could feel would become a cult-classic. Kai was laughing so much she snorted.

"It was funny, wasn't it Sora!" Cloud shouted over his shoulder to me. Pah!

"It was NOT funny, it was the kind of thing people go to therapy for," I snapped back, which caused them to laugh harder. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

"Where did you dump yours?" I asked Cloud as soon as we were out of earshot of Kairi, who was washing the dishes and humming pleasantly to herself.

"The dog bowl, you?"

"Out the window," I replied solemnly. Kairi had made us spaghetti bolognaise with cheese on top, and it had tasted so uncannily like feet that even Cloud had dispose of his on the sly when she wasn't looking. We of course told her it was delicious and handed our empty plates to her as she beamed at us, before making haste to the bathroom to wash our mouths out with whatever we could get our hands on.

After rinsing the last of the soap suds from my mouth we went back downstairs to where Kairi was sitting and peering at us expectantly.

"BITCHFEST!" yelled Cloud as he jumped over the back of the couch, grabbing a cushion and squeezing it in his rather terrifying excitement. And so it began. Kairi and Cloud chattered on for a whole hour about what I considered absolute crap, stopping only when I dozed off and fell off the couch.

"Bored my darling?" asked Cloud as I got up to my feet and sank back into the chair. Some people have no appreciation for the chronically tired.

"Well, if I'm going to – HOLD THE PHONE! IMPORTANT!" I yelled suddenly, remembering the previous night, "big huge news!"

The two of them were vibrating with such excitement I feared they would spontaneously combust.

"What? WHAT IS IT!" Kairi burst, her eyes bulging.

"Right, I got drunk last night with Leon," I began, Cloud's mouth involuntarily falling open, "and he said… get this… he said he would, in his own words, 'wouldn't say no' to Cloud!"

It was all too much for Cloud. He pulled his t-shirt over his head like a big fruity footballer and began to run around the room in celebration, knocking over a lamp and crashing most unceremoniously into Kai's budgie cage, the poor little birdie almost having a cardiac arrest. Kai had to rugby tackle him to the ground when he ran past her to get him to stop, causing his pants to fall down to his ankles and revealing his Batman underwear. He's all man, is Cloud.

After a bout of uncontrolled giggling, he managed, "Are… you sure?"

"Positive."

"Well well well…" he said, gazing off into the distance, a positively devillish look coming across his face. It were times like this I wish Cloud wasn't totally transparent.

"What's with the look?" Kairi asked.

"I, my friends, have a plan. But I cannot tell you about it, as it will jinx it. I hope you understand."

Phew, I'm glad he's decided to be discreet for once. I'd rather not think about what the plan was, no doubt it would involve a lot of squirty cream and a pair of fluffy handcuffs. Kai looked bummed out.

"Can you give us a clue!" she burst.

"Nah, you'll have to wait till the dance this Friday!" he said, clapping his hands together and grinning. I don't like this Cloud, it's too cunning. I prefer the embarrassing, hyperactive boob Cloud.

"I think it's time I headed off you guys," I said, yawning. I was absolutely shat-knacked. Cloud agreed, and Kairi showed us to the door where Cloud said his flamboyant goodbyes before waltzing off down the street. We watched him go, before I said my normal goodbyes to Kai.

"Meet me tomorrow same time as usual, 'kay!"

"Sure thing," I replied, smiling.

* * *

UH! UH! UHHH!

WAS IT GOOD FOR YOU?

Haha, sorry.

That chap was a bit shorter than the others. I would have updated sooner but I have to be in 'the mood' for this story, i.e. hyped up to the max!

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it, and you leave me loads of love and reviews! xD

Lots of love, Starlyte x


	3. Innocent Bystander!

cycathewise: Thank you for reviewing, even before I'd remembered to put line-breaks in! You must have been mighty confused! Haha. Thanks again!

drunken squirrel ninja: Thank you! One does what one can.

Phoenix Noir: -LOVES J00- Thanks a bunch for your lovely reviews! I'm so glad you enjoy the story, and like Kairi's character (I based her off myself, hoho). I never did write what Cloud was worried about vis a vis his bellybutton did I? I'm such a Forgetful Fred. Anyway, he thought it was turning from an innie to an outie and was going to ask Sora before Cid interfered. & milk would certainly be the way to go to bed Leon (in my world at least!) haha. There was actually a dirty joke behind that, but let's keep this bitch T rated.

lunarkitty14: I'm really happy you enjoyed the chappie! OMG I rhymed. I had loads of fun writing it. I'm sorry this one took so long to get up!

Kaia Neko: Aw, thank you for your words of wisdom, and I'll most certainly keep writing as long as lovely people like yourself want me to.

NocturnalWriter: Wee, I like Cloud too! His lines kind of just fall out of my head. It was great writing Leon and Sora drunk too. Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Anyway...

-straddles computer chair-

LET'S DO THIS THANG.

* * *

"… and be very careful about adding the ethanoic acid as esters, as we should all know by now, are extremely volatile. I want you working in pairs, as thanks to Mr. Strife and his extraordinary record of 'accidentally' maltreating equipment, there isn't enough to go around," Mrs. Watters announced to our Chemistry class, the whole of which turned and glared at Cloud, who lifted his head and gave a small wave. She was very right though, Cloud is a disaster in tight pants when it comes to chemicals of any sort.

When we were told to begin, said disaster wasted no time in bounding up and proclaiming himself my lab partner, safety goggled and raring to go. Ah well, I didn't know what exactly we were supposed to be doing anyway. Something to do with 'ethels' was it? I forget.

"Alright, go grab whatever anyone else is grabbing and bring it back to our table."

He did so with alarming enthusiasm, even elbowing an startled Axel out of the way to get the last Bunsen burner before returning, carefully placing everything on the table and turning to smile at me. I knew he was trying to convince me that nothing was going to go wrong this lesson, but he is just too much of a calamity for that to ever happen.

After carefully eyeballing what Tifa and Yuffie were doing at the next table, I set up our equipment and tried to make it look like I knew what I was doing, measuring stuff out and fannying about with a calculator.

"You don't know what you're doing, do you?" Cloud asked airily, which I thought was a bit rich.

"I don't have to. As long as she thinks we're doing something she's not going to come over. In fact she wouldn't come over anyway, as you are here, and she strikes me as the type to hold her health and safety in high esteem."

"Such words of meanness. So you're just pretending?"

"Yup, you just make the faces and so on."

"I see, like faking an orgasm."

Well, that just cried out for a new and shamelessly outrageous game to be made; Cloud and I made orgasm faces as we worked, soon accompanied by rather rude noises which gradually grew louder until eventually we were getting stared at by the rest of the class, who had stopped mid-ethelmaking. Upon seeing this, Mrs. Watters seemed to decide that she couldn't ignore us anymore. She got up from her seat groaning, before walking over to our table and folding her arms in an angry fashion.

"Gentlemen, neither I nor the rest of the class are amused by your inappropriate noises. What do you have to say for yourselves?"

"We just… really enjoy Chemistry," Cloud muttered amidst poorly controlled giggles. I had to chew on the side of my cheek to remain po-faced.

"…very well," Mrs. Watters sighed, before turning to address the whole class, "time to pack away everybody, I want everything back where you got it from."

I picked up the Bunsen burner and a set of scales and walked the length of the class to put them back in the storage rack. It is a walk that only takes about ten seconds, yet that is all it took for Cloud to turn what had been quite an enjoyable lesson into utter madness.

"MR. STRIFE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE CLASSROOM, QUICKLY PLEASE!"

I was promptly swept up in the sea of people hurrying to the door, wondering what atrocity he could have cooked up in such a short space of time. Mrs. Watters and Cloud soon followed, and Cloud was told to go and face the corridor wall in complete silence until she dismissed the rest of the class. I was walking off myself when she shouted me back.

"Not you Mr. Conolly, you get back here," she hissed. What had I done! I was a mere bystander in all of this nonsense. I went back anyway, she sounded too pissed off to be messed with.

"Why Mrs. Watters?"

"Just sit down. You too, you silly article," she spat, addressing Cloud, who promptly walked over and sat next to me on the window-ledge looking very much like the puppy dog who had been caught pooing behind the couch. "Did you perhaps not hear me at the beginning of the lesson saying that esters are EXTREMELY volatile? Do you think I say these things for fun? Are my instructions beneath you Mr. Strife?"

"No Mrs. Watters. I'm sorry Mrs. Watters," mumbled Cloud.

"The room will have to be left over the weekend to air out due to your reckless behaviour! Do you think that is funny?"

"No Mrs. Watters. I'm not laughing Mrs. Watters."

"Too right you're not, or I'd have you straight down to the headmaster's office this minute! You will serve detention tonight alongside Mr. Conolly."

"What! Why do I get detention!" The injustice! The discrimination!

"For not supervising Mr. Strife at all times, you should know by now what a hazard he is in this lesson. And I would ask you not to question my authority."

My mouth dropped open. So I was supposed to babysit Cloud now was I? I stormed off in immense rage as Mrs. Watters walked off in the opposite direction, and was soon followed by Cloud's shoes slapping on the floor as he followed, probably to try and justify his actions with some ridiculous reasoning.

"Sora! I'm so sorry! I didn't know that putting that white stuff into that red stuff would make it all explode, I was just trying to make it turn pink!"

Yup, there it was.

"Bugger off Cloud, I'm not in the mood."

Unperturbed, he trotted alongside me and kept up an almost constant stream of apologies and proclamations of our everlasting friendship all the way to the lunch hall, where Kairi was chatting animatedly to Leon, who looked quite confused as to what in the name of arse she was talking about. At the sight of the milkmonster, Cloud made a rather strange noise, not unlike a parrot getting trodden on, before promptly turning bright red and leaving the hall through the door we'd just came.

"…and so I said 'I wouldn't mess with a guy that keeps beefburgers in his hat', you know what I mean? And he said… oh hey Sora!"

"Hey Kai. What are you two talking about?" I asked, peering at Leon, at which a worried expression appeared on his face.

"Well, we were… were just… I have no idea," he trailed off, glancing warily at Kairi; she was quite un-bothered however, being quite used to people not being on the 'same wavelength' as her. Or anywhere near it for that matter. Leon soon scooted off having already finished his dinner, so me and Kai got ours and found a table by a window. I wasted no time in launching into a review of the catastrophe that was our Chemistry lesson, accidentally spraying everywhere with cheese pastie and making Vimto come out of her nose when I told her what Cloud did.

"It was not funny, the stupid manbitch has got me in detention tonight for leaving him unsupervised."

"Manbitch or no manbitch, you'll be talking to him again before it's time to do it," she replied, flicking a rebel piece of pastie from her cheek and doing nothing to improve my mood. I fell into a grumpy silence and ate my cookie with what I imagined to be quite a sinister look on my face, to let Kairi know I was peeved. I could tell she was watching me from the corner of her eye.

"Sora you're looking rather murderous there. What's the matter?" she finally asked.

"Did you not hear me? I've got detention tonight and I didn't even do anything."

"Nah, you've had a ton of detentions and you've never saw your arse about them, there's something else," she said. Now that she mentioned it I did feel like I was significantly more wrathful this week, ever since Monday, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. I wasn't sleeping very well either.

"I don't know, to be honest."

"Well you better work it out before Friday! It's the DANCE!" she half-shouted, getting unnecessarily excited, "and you've gotta look your best 'cause you're taking me."

"…and when was this decided?"

"Well I was th--" she began, but broke off staring across the room, "back in a sec!"

I watched her dart across the dinner hall, rather meanly leaving me on my billy-tod into a crowd of people, most likely to chase something shiny. So now I had a detention for nothing, and was taking a lesbian to the college dance. The woe was so overwhelming I leant forward and put my head in my arms, waiting for the bell to go so I could skedaddle to last lesson. It wasn't long however, before I heard two pairs of footsteps coming towards me.

"OI! Get up, I want you to meet my new friend," came Kairi's voice painfully down my ear. I vaguely wondered what fool she had roped in as I lifted my head, and was startled to see Vincent standing next to her, staring at the floor as though it had a picture of boobies on it.

"Hey, I'm Sora," I said, smiling at him for some reason. He lifted his head.

"I'm Vincent."

"And I'm Kairi."

"You… told me that before."

"I know. I just like to feel involved."

"…"

"Er… anyway," I cut in before it got too nonsensical. They both sat down, Vincent a little hesitant before Kairi almost shoved him into a seat. He looked like he'd rather be anywhere but sitting opposite me, which I could have been rather offended but his hair was just too goddamn shiny to think about anything else. Ooh, I just wanted to stroke it.

"What shampoo do you use?" I asked without thinking. What the hell was that? I must have that thing where stuff pops out of your mouth accidentally; except instead of swear words it's random questions about personal hygiene. He looked up at me with a startled expression, most probably pondering my sanity.

"I… I'm not sure," he answered, "whatever's in the house."

If it wouldn't raise further suspicion to my mental health, I would have whacked my head on the table right there and then. Vincent turned and looked out of the window, putting his chin in his hand; the sun shining through the glass making his eyes shine an eerie ruby colour. Kairi was staring at me with a very peculiar expression indeed, like my face was doing something highly amusing; to my knowledge however, it was being quite normal and face-like, so I decided to attempt another conversation.

"So, do you two have a lesson together or something?"

"Yup, we're Biology buddies aren't we Vince?" Kai answered brightly.

"Yeah," he answered shortly, looking a little embarrassed. I couldn't for the life of me think of a more unlikely pairing than those two, much less Vincent agreeing to be Kai's 'Biology buddy'. Life is indeed full of many mysteries. Several minutes of awkwardness ensued before the bell went, and I quickly fled the scene to get to DT from that train crash of a conversation. The sad thing was, I would have liked to get to know Vincent.

* * *

"Once more to detention, dear friend, once more!"

"You're being awfully optimistic about this."

"Is it wrong to be optimistic about quality time with one's friend?"

"It's not 'quality time' you fool, she's going to have us doing something dastardly for ruining her classroom."

Yes, I was talking to Cloud again. All it had took was a poorly crafted wooden heart that he'd painted red and written 'Cloud loves Sora' on to melt my icy exterior. I'm cheap and I like it. We rounded a corner into the next corridor where the teacher's staffroom was to meet Mrs. Watters, where we discovered we weren't the only ones on detention that evening. Sitting casually on the windowsill, one leg dangling absently over the edge swinging back and forth, was the silver-haired boy of English lesson and erotic dream fame.

Palm trees… sand… giant clams… it was all coming flooding back in a thoroughly unwanted fashion; I took drastic action, grabbing Cloud by the t-shirt and swinging him back round the corner most unceremoniously before letting go, sending him twirling off halfway down the corridor.

"Watch who you're manhandling! You nearly ripped my shirt right off," he exclaimed when he'd regained his balance.

"Shhh!"

"What? What is it?" he asked, walking up to me looking crafty, all previous anger replaced by general nosiness.

"It's… nothing," I replied. He would have an absolute field day if he knew what I was getting worked up about, and that was most certainly not needed, today of all days.

"Well if it's nothing, let's go round and wait for Mrs. Watters!"

"Nooo!"

I grabbed onto his belt to try and stop him walking back round the corner, but he impatiently slapped my hand away and carried on. All I could do was watch as he stopped and looked at where the boy was sitting. He turned his head back towards me slowly, a grin gradually curving his lips and his eyebrows rising to dangerous heights. It was scarily like Kairi's Puppetmaster face, which by now I could only associate with impending doom.

I was blushing so much I was positively purple-faced. I shook my head violently, eyes popping, and mouthed 'nooo!' at him. Perhaps he was overcome with compassion, or he merely felt sorry for the poor little boy on the verge of dropping to his knees and begging, but Cloud resignedly came walking back over to me, though he did nothing to dispose of the disturbing look on his face.

"Hey Sora. I know who that is."

"…"

"It's your fancy man, isn't it Sora?"

"…"

"You want to see him in his--"

"Shut the fuck up!" I hissed, thinking that I'd just die on the spot if he happened to hear us talking. Cloud expression was beyond smarmy, in fact he looked like he was sucking on some sort of citrus fruit. I comtemplated running like the wind back to my house to escape, but I knew I couldn't trust Cloud on his own with that boy. I was going to have to stick this bitch out.

"Relax Sora, he's not even paying attention. He's reading a book."

"Really?" Phew, that was a relief. Reading for pleasure? That must mean he's really clever or something. I wonder what he's reading? Why is he on detention? But perhaps most importantly, why the hell do I care? Damn this infernal curiosity, giving me a headache and what-not.

"Yup. 'Catcher in the Rye'."

Ooh, that sounded intelligent.

"Mr. Strife? Mr. Conolly?" came the unmistakable voice of Mrs. Watters winging round the corner, cutting off my train of thought. We both jumped, and rounded the corner for the second time to find her standing next to the caretaker, known around the college as 'Barret'.

"Awright foo's, we gonna be takin' tables from the dinin' hall to the gym fo' the dance this Friday!" he informed us in his big, booming voice. There was a unified glare in Mrs. Watters direction. _Manual labour_! Eeew. Cloud looked like he'd just been bitchslapped twice on each cheek. I had a shifty at the silver-haired boy for a second, who looked totally not-bothered at the news; not that he had anything to be bothered about, for he was not completely lacking in the muscle department like Cloud and I. Kairi would be more suited to this than either of us.

"Have fun, boys," Mrs. Watters smirked as we were led off towards the lunch hall. Cloud was looking alarmingly ashen-faced, even more so when we reached the stacks of tables and took in their atrocious enormity. And we were meant to carry THOSE! Someone up there must hate me.

"We're gon' carry them one between two. You two go together an' I'll go with this guy here," Barret rumbled, gesturing towards the silver haired boy.

"My name's Riku," he spoke, catching me totally off-guard. Ooh, his voice! It was all deep and… smooth and… I am so not interested. I clawed my attention away from him and over to Cloud, who was already standing next to a table and staring down at it morosely, most probably thinking 'Ohh, how could I have gotten Sora into such a mess? How can I repay him for accepting his fate with such nobility?'

"What if I chip a nail while I'm carrying it?"

Or maybe not. I sighed and walked to the other end of the table, putting my hands underneath and finding a metal bar I could hold as we carried it. Cloud huffed dejectedly and did the same.

"Okay, on three. One… two… THREE!"

We both heaved upwards, managing to lift the table a few inches from the floor, and began tottering with it towards the door. It was so immensely heavy, Cloud already had a vein going in his temple. Barret and Riku strolled past us carrying a table in between them as though it were made of cardboard, Barret guffawing and even taking a hand away to point at us, and Riku smiling slightly; the latter of which actions made me almost drop our table. Cloud glared at me for the unexpected wobbling; he has no business glaring however, this is all his fault.

We managed to stumble all the way to the gym, during which time Barret and Riku passed us three times with another three tables, halting for a moment every time so Barret could berate our kitten-like strength. Cloud looked ready to go Incredible Hulk on their asses, so I suggested a sit down when we'd finally dropped off our table. Cloud was sprawled on the floor before I'd even finished my sentence, dripping with sweat and panting his head off. After a couple of minutes of getting our breath back, I stood up and looked down at him.

"Sora… I can't… go on…" he stuttered. For fuck's sake, he's such a drama queen.

"Get up. Barret will be here in--"

"What's this! Sleepin' on the job huh!"

"Uhh, we were just having a break," I explained, expecting no mercy, and receiving none.

"Break! You've carried one goddamn table! An' you get yo' ass up!" he yelled, turning to where Cloud was still collapsed in a heap.

"Eeeeerghhh…" was all he got by means of a reply. Barret stormed over to him, grabbed him by both arms and pulled him forcefully up. Cloud squealed and stumbled backwards.

"OW."

"Don' you 'ow' me son! What's the meanin' of this! You two are useless!"

"Manual labour does not bode well with me," Cloud grunted.

"I'll say it don't! The pair of you get out, yeh ain't worth the effort!"

Cloud wasted no time in flouncing dramatically out of the hall, and I tagged after him, not before stealing a look at Riku who was looking politely bemused. If it were just us Cloud and I, I would have felt relieved, but I couldn't help feeling embarrassed as I walked out.

Cloud wasted little breath on saying his goodbyes for once, probably wanting to get home as fast as he could and rest after that beyond-tedious detention. I didn't feel tired though, which baffled me; I decided on a walk across the beach before I crashed out in the shade of a palm tree, watching the ocean.

I felt… _weird_.

* * *

And there you have it. Not my best chap, but I hope it can keep you entertained until the next one, which is the one I've wanted to write for ages! THE DANCE!

Sorry this one took sooo long to get up, but it's been insanely hot where I live, and it's been making me really ill. -pout-

Anyway, please review! I LURBEH TEH REVIEWZ! XD

Lots of love, Starlyte x


	4. The Dance

Vanilla! CH4

For the love of JC himself, how long has it been since I updated this fucker?

I am DEAD sorry! I hope all the people who read it are still alive and kickin'. The thing is, I left it for about a month because I sadly was not in a very 'Kingdom Hearts' place (aka angry at Square for taking so bloody long to release it in the UK), and then when I decided to do some more I went and broke my computer. (The fam thinks it was my little brother though, so shh XD). So you see, I have only myself to blame, and all I can do is hope that this chapter makes up for the wait!

If there still are people waiting? chibi eyes

Props to Zimm for sticking the metaphorical rocket up my ass that got me going, and as always, lunarkitty14 for reviewing the last chapter!

Well, here's chapter 4. (And boy is it a monster!)

* * *

Thursday passed relatively incident free – this probably owing heavily to Cloud being absent due to the 'strain' of the detention on Wednesday; being ridiculously transparent however, the world and his wife knew that he was just getting ready for Friday night. Me and Kai went to visit him in his pretend bed of pain with some marshmallows, to find him painting his toenails and listening to Peaches. I told him to be a man, and was quickly eschewed from the premises.

Kairi stayed behind in the hope of finding out what his plan was for the party tomorrow; I haven't the foggiest why she's so bothered about it, my interest only stretches as far as concern about the physical and/or emotional trauma that may be caused to innocent party-goers. Let's face it, when Cloud and his tangerine-like brain decide to work together (a rare occurrence), disaster is sure to follow.

I walked home alone, having been ostracised from the madhouse that is the Strife residence, to find Leon sitting on the couch watching television in nought but his underwear. He has no respect for those as sensitive as _moi_.

"Leon, what are you doing? Why are you clad only in your undergarments? What if I had a girl with me?"

"Is Kairi here?" he asked, turning and looking round with mild interest; I noticed he had some kind of cheesy crisp around his mouth – I swear he saves this kind of stuff for me.

"No, I was just saying–"

"Well what's your problem?" he cut in before returning to his program, which on closer inspection appeared to be Fairly Odd Parents. He was being unusually abrupt this evening. I was about to turn and escape to my boudoir, when I realised that Leon hadn't actually said he was going to the dance at all, which would be most disastrous – the last thing anyone wants is Cloud on an angsty, sex-deprived rampage. I considered asking stealthily so as not to arouse suspicion, before realising of course who it was I was speaking to, and that Leon was by no means one to put two and two together unless it was crucial.

"You going the dance tomorrow?"

"Thought I might look into it," he replied, scratching his stubbly chin and not bothering to look at me.

"Oh," I sighed in relief, about to leave the room when he spoke again.

"Only 'cause everyone's getting their panties in a twist about it," trying in vain to keep a cool that had long since been lost. He grabbed another fistful of cheesy crisps from a bowl lying next to him on the couch and shoved them all in his mouth at once, commencing his munching; I gave him the most disdainful look I could muster before escaping to my room and belly-flopping onto my bed, giving myself in to the thoughts I had been trying my hardest to fend off since I'd woken up. I'll put them in chronological order:

RikuRikuRikuRikuRikuRikuTurkishDelightRikuRikuRikuRiku.

I can't get the silvery bastard out of my head – I walked into a door in college, and didn't even notice until Kairi asked about the big green lump on my forehead, and even Mr. Highwind commented on my lack of productivity in Design Technology, which brought things into harsh perspective: since when had I been considered productive in any sense of the word?

I've never thought about anyone this much since me and Kai dated, and that's positively medieval.

I wonder who he's going to the dance with, tomorrow? Probably some ho, like Aeris or Elena. I wonder if he'll take them back to his place later? I'd have no choice but to unleash The Beast (aka Kairi) on them, which is not something I like to do, as she does get rather carried away and there is a tendency for a loss of teeth/hair.

Ergh, I need something to take my mind off it all; if I were Kai (i.e. insane) I would have started to get ready for the dance. But no, I am not Cloud. I have not booked a pedicure. I wended my way across to the mirror in my room, accidentally stepping in an elderly plate of mashed potato, to assess the damage _vis a vis_ the great green duck-egg my forehead was currently fashioning.

Huh, it's not that bad actually. Nothing really, compared to the atrocity that is my eyebrows; I can't believe they have gone unnoticed for so long, hiding under my giant hair. I poked them for a bit, to make sure they weren't actually a pair of caterpillars masquerading as facial hair before making my way to the bathroom. Their silent reign of terror is over!

What the fuck am I talking about?

I rummaged around the cabinet, knocking all kinds of crap into the sink before I found Leon's pair of tweezers. Goodness knows what that hairy beast uses them for, but they look clean enough, so I lifted them to the fuzzy monsters taking over my forehead and picked a hair out –

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHHHHH!

My eyes started streaming as I fell to the floor, the tweezers flung asunder in rage – bastards!

Good God… why do girls do that to themselves? I rubbed my eyebrow tenderly, thinking of a Plan B. I gazed around the bathroom, still rather teary eyed, wondering vaguely why Leon hadn't immediately rushed to my aid upon hearing my cry of pain. He has most probably fallen asleep, being the lazy tosser that he is.

My blurry gaze eventually fell upon the electric shaver by the side of the bath (how unsafe), which again belonged to Leon who uses it when his facefuzz gets out of hand. I actually managed to persuade him to grow a handlebar moustache once, claiming they were all the rage. It was the single most hilarious thing I have ever seen in my life – I of course told him he looked positively dashing, and he grew quite attached to it; it was only when the college told him to shave it off as it was distracting the other students that he said goodbye to it.

I picked up the device, flicking a few buttons to see how it worked. Perhaps you are wondering why a seventeen-year-old does not know how to work a razor, but I have the physical incapacity to grow any sort of masculine facial hair. I am perpetually baby-faced. Even Cloud grew a goatee once, but I still couldn't manage a bit of bumfluff.

The razor hummed a little bit, but I couldn't see where the actual shaving commenced – was it the little round things, or the jaggedy-edged bit? I looked at it more closely, careful not to accidentally shave my eyelashes off, which would not be very attractive.

I conclude it is the jaggedy-edged bit, (your honour).

I brought my face up to the mirror, held my hair out of the way and brought the razor to my right eyebrow. Right… slowwwly… easy does it…

"Ohhh what a beautiful MOOOOOOOOOOOORNING!"

"Yeaargh!"

"Ohhh what a beautiful – oh hey Sora, what are you doing?"

MY EYEBROW, OH MY GOODNESS… WHERE'S IT GONE?

"You're… shaving? Aw, my little man's growing up."

"LEON! YOU BUFFOON, YOU MADE ME SHAVE IT OFF!"

"You what?"

I couldn't bring my face away from the mirror. This is the worst thing to have ever happened, in the history of everything. Leon's reflection popped up behind me in the mirror; there was a moment of complete silence as I stood in shock, two pairs of eyes ogling at the bald patch above my right eye. Then, it came –

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Leon burst into laughter, grabbing onto the edge of the bath to keep himself upright, still trying to watch my face in the mirror amid tears rolling down his cheeks. I have no idea how long it went on for, all I could think about was the endless, hairless plane stretching from my eye to my hair, which I was still holding back with a shaking hand.

"Ow… ow… my stomach…" Leon managed after finally getting a hold of himself and coming up again behind me, his eyes red and puffy. "It's… not that… bad you…"

He had to stop at that point to take a deep breath. I took my eyes off myself for a moment to look at his face – he was trying his very hardest not to start laughing again, looking very much like one who has just been made to swallow a lemon. I saved him the effort and left the room, letting go of my hair and returning to my bedroom, hearing him once again break into torrents of hysterical mirth.

My life is officially over.

* * *

I woke up early on Friday morning. I don't even remember falling asleep last night – I don't remember doing much actually, apart from collapsing on my bed of woe and thinking of what I could do about… the razor incident.

I decided that Kairi would know best. Now that is drastic thinking.

Stumbling over the debris that makes up the floor of my room I reached the mirror, to make sure it hadn't just all been a terrible nightmare, and I was still _avec eyebrow_. But of course, this is my life we're talking about, and I didn't even need to hold my hair back to see the shiny bald patch occupying the whole right side of my forehead.

I sighed, picking up the phone lying on the table under the mirror and dialling Kairi's number.

After a rushed conversation, I hung up and began to get ready to head over to her house. I didn't tell her about what had happened, only that I had a cosmetic emergency; it was hard to tell whether she was listening to me at all as I couldn't understand very well what she was saying, what with the enormity of her excitement for the dance this evening.

I dragged on yesterday's pair of jeans, a plain t-shirt and some shoes before heading to the bathroom to try and plaster my hair to my forehead with hairspray. It wasn't working for me, and I was about descend into a bout of self-pity before I remembered the beanie hat I had under my bed.

I look quite handsome in it, to be honest. I should wear it more often.

At any rate, it kept my hair covering my stupid bald spot.

I left without breakfast and salutations to Leon, not wanting to cause him the strain of attempting to keep a straight face, and headed post-haste over the beach to Kai's house whilst trying to keep a low profile – I did a spectacular commando-roll into a nearby bush to avoid Axel and Yuffie, getting covered in nettle stings and almost squishing a poor little squirrel. I wish someone saw it actually. I felt like G.I. Joe.

Eventually, I arrived at Kairi's abode and knocked at the door. There was a sound very much like someone falling down the stairs before the door flew open, and I was face to face with the red-headed imbecile herself.

"Kai, you knew I was coming over. You could have at least put some pants on."

"I'M TOO EXCITED FOR PANTS!" she squealed, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me forcefully up the stairs that she had presumably just tumbled down and into her bedroom. Now normally, it is quite a tidy, model example of a bedroom; today however, it could have given mine a run for it's money. Her bed was an unrecognizable heap of what looked like the entire contents of her wardrobe and chest of drawers, the floor was littered with eye-shadows and packets of face masks and her bedside table overflowed with hair styling products.

"Wow…" was all I could manage. Her smile widened impossibly as she replied,

"Getting ready is the best part of going out!" and she fell to the floor in front of her mirror that leaned against her radiator, picking up a pot of sparkly green eye-shadow and applying it to the back of her hand. I will never understand girls. "You as excited as I am about tonight?"

"I don't think that's humanly possible," I replied, my mind jumping suddenly to my hairy crisis, "but Kai, the reason I came over was 'cause… I need your help with something."

"What is it darling?" she asked, continuing to apply various shades of powder to the back of her hand, evidently trying to see which colours went best together. I felt shock tactics would be best used in such a situation, so I whipped off my beanie and scraped my hair away from my face.

"_This_."

She turned finally to look at me, and her eyes seemed to swell to epic proportions. Seemingly beyond laughter, her mouth opened and closed wordlessly several times before she found her voice.

"SORA! What the hell did you do that for?! You're meant to be taking me to the dance! Is this your way of saying you don't want to?!"

Only Kairi could have interpreted it that way, that I shaved it off on purpose for some ridiculous reason.

"No, no! I was trying to trim it a bit with Leon's razor, but he bust in and my hand slipped and… and…" I trailed off lamely. Her sudden anger seemed to subside, as she put her face in her hands and groaned, as though overwhelmed by my stupidity. Oh, how I love irony.

"Right! Don't worry Sora, we'll fix it! I've got it here somewhere…" she chirped, apparently struck with inspiration as she began to scrabble through various make-up bags and drawers. "Ah hah!"

She turned towards me and produced a small, red-brown pencil with a flourish.

"And… what might that be?" I asked, eyeing it warily.

"This, doofus, is an eyebrow pencil," she explained, "girls use them to draw over their eyebrows if they have plucked them too thinly, or wish to give them more body. Or of course, if they have accidentally shaved them off with their housemate's electric razor."

"Low blow."

"But… this isn't really your hair colour, and it's the only one I have…" she said slowly, almost pensively, if I thought Kairi was capable of being pensive.

"Well can't you do anything else?! Do you have any… I don't know, false eyebrows or something?" I asked desperately. Hey, I don't know do I? She smiled sadly, walking over to me and leading me over to her bed, where we both sat ourselves down on her gargantuan pile of clothes.

"No, Sora, I don't have any 'false eyebrows'. But this might not be that bad." She pushed my hair back and began scratching my forehead with her pencil; I watched her face as she did it, deep in concentration. It would have been comical had the situation not been dire.

"There!" she proclaimed some time later. "All done."

I walked tentatively over to the mirror and crouched down to assess her handiwork. Well, the shape is fine. The colour was not.

"Kai, they're completely different colours! I can't go out like this!"

"Hey, it looks a damn sight better than what it was before," she replied, affronted.

"Hmph."

She sat there for a while staring at me, obviously thinking about how to make me look less ridiculous. Several times her face lit up as she thought of something undoubtedly hair-brained, before deciding it wouldn't work. Finally it seemed, she came to some sort of conclusion, and dashed out of the room – oh God, what's coming?

Bursting back into the room, clutching something in her fist, she bounced back over to me and landed on her heap of a bed.

"This will _definitely_ work," she said, taking something from her palm and pushing my hair out of my face again. I felt her rubbing something against where she drew on my eyebrow, though I couldn't tell what it was until… wait, what's that smell?

"Kai, are you rubbing coffee beans on my eyebrow?"

My only response was a maniacal grin.

* * *

Six hours later I found myself knocking again on Kairi's door, having been sent home to get ready for the dance and to allow her time to get dressed. I myself had opted for jeans (unsurprisingly), but had taken things out of realm of the norm with a shirt, tie and jumper combo. I look rather flash, if I do say so myself. Leon had left slightly before me, muttering something about a pint of milk as he walked out.

Kairi scrubs up well, I decided as she finally answered the door after no doubt applying a seventh layer of mascara or something stupid; she was wearing a short, green cocktail dress with glittery silver high heels, and had her hair up. I was about to greet her when she burst,

"Is it still there?!"

"Yeah, don't worry," I assured her, as she had said she wasn't going to go to the dance with me if I was sans eyebrow. It was still carefully in place however, as I had taken utmost care not to knock it while getting dressed to avoid getting coffee all down my face. Without much further ado, the pair of us set off towards our college, Kairi emitting a strange humming sound in excitement and unable to say anything sensible.

We finally reached the P.E. building, which had been decked out for the dance. There were a few people milling around outside, clutching small cups of punch, laughing and talking. We could already hear the music coming from inside the hall, and see colourful lights dancing against the wall and escaping out of the windows. I felt like now was the time for The Talk. I stopped walking, Kairi asking what was wrong.

"Kai, you know I say this every time we go out, and I'm hoping that tonight will be the time you actually take notice of it."

"Uh huh…"

"Please, for the love of God, don't get too drunk."

"Ohh Sora, ladies never get 'too drunk'!" she replied, attempting a petite, feminine laugh.

"I'm sure they don't. You on the other hand–"

"You have my word Mr. Connolly, I will not get too drunk," she cut across sarcastically. I gave up, hoping that she'd at least try and stick to it; Kairi should seriously be classed as a natural disaster when she's drunk. It's outrageous. We continued on our way up the path in silence, Kai trying vainly to hold onto haughty airs, but succumbing to her excitement the closer we got.

The hall looks surprisingly good - props to Barret for pulling his finger out and getting rid of the sweaty-sock smell. There was a long table down the left hand side, heavily laden with club sandwiches, mini pizzas and a whole assortment of snack foods, as well as a bowl of brightly coloured punch every few feet. Kai hurriedly dashed over to the bowl with the most peculiarly coloured contents and ladled herself out a cup before knocking it back. I followed suit, opting for a less violent shade a little further along the table; as I suspected, it was weak as kittens.

"The fuck is this meant to be?" came Kairi's voice as she homed in on me, looking outraged. I couldn't help feeling a little relieved – the only way she'd get drunk off this stuff was if she downed every bowl in the room, and I doubt even _she'd_ be that desperate.

"Hey babe, thought I'd come over and say hi," came a terribly familiar voice from over Kai's shoulder. We simultaneously placed our cups down in immense exasperation as we turned to face Tidus in his suited-and-booted glory. I use the term glory lightly, as he looked quite hilarious to be honest – he was wearing, for reasons best known to himself, a little red bow tie and had the most enormous flower protruding from his lapel.

"…hi," Kairi replied unenthusiastically. Tidus took this as encouragement, as only Tidus could, ducking round and standing directly between me and Kairi, giving me a nice shot of his derriere.

How. Rude.

I didn't hear much of their conversation, only the occasional 'babe' and 'dance' followed by Kairi's deadpan replies. Soon after however, he had turned round to commence storming off in a rage after Kairi had no doubt shot him down once again to be met by the most smug expression I could manage. He wound his way round me with a feeble 'what you looking at Connolly?' before buggering off back to his group of idiots.

After regaling me with the gist of their conversation, we grabbed another cup of punch (aka coloured water) and headed outside where we met Yuffie and Axel sitting on a bench together. Axel looked very dapper, whereas Yuffie was wearing a sports top and baggy jeans, looking very strange next to the impeccably made-up Kairi chatting to her. I made manly small talk with Axel while they rabbited on about who was wearing what, and who had come with who. Well, Kairi rabbited. Yuffie listened politely.

There was a sudden commotion around the gate leading into the college; several people gasped and I heard a very distinct 'squee!' from someone whom I could only see the back of the head, before a splutter of excited babble broke out as whatever it was continued towards us. I squinted at the silhouette, and only realised with a great big smack across the head of realisation when they were a few feet away from where we were.

"Cl…oud?"

Oh. My. God.

It was actually him. It was _actually_ Cloud.

"HI GUYS!"

None of us could speak, only gape at him – he was wearing the tightest pair of black leather pants I'd ever seen, a figure-hugging black tee-shirt and black knee-high boots. His hair was different too, he had more of a fringe and it was less heavily styled as usual, and there was something that looked suspiciously like a dog collar round his neck.

I couldn't believe the evidence of my beadies. This was _Cloud_, King of All Things Pink and Fluffy, looking like he'd just come off a job at a ladies' strip club.

Unsurprisingly, it was Kairi who was freed from her stupor first as she burst forward and flung her arms round his neck. He looked relieved – how long had we been staring?

"Ohh CLOUD! YOU LOOK AWESOME!" she squealed as he hugged her back, lifting her up and twirling her round. Evidently the damage received from our detention was long forgotten. "Was this your plan all along?!"

"Yeah, this is it! What do you think Sora?" he asked turning to me, sticking out his tightly clad bum and pouting.

"Yeah um… you look really… real…"

There are no words.

Cloud grinned anyway, saying that was exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for; not from me obviously, but from the lesser-spotted angsty bastard that hasn't been sighted this evening so far. Perhaps he has been delayed in his quest for milk? Cloud was soon hailed by a group of random people from his other classes, spewing out compliment after compliment if they weren't one of the ones who couldn't quite find the words, like me. Heck, he even had girls hitting on him – Aeris strutted over and tugged on his dog collar, while Tifa was quite obviously peeling off his leather with her eyes.

"Hey, hey Sora…" came Kairi's voice.

"What is it?"

"Tifa…"

"Er… what about her?"

"She's… she's purty…"

"Kai, I don't want to know about your big lesbo crushes. You could at least pretend to be normal for tonight seeing as you're my date."

"_Normal?_ You're right, you're right. Say, where's you're fancy man? You know, the one with the silvery hair? What's his name, RIKU is it?" she snapped, before standing up and storming off into the gym. Axel and Yuffie both turned and stared at me as though I'd grown a third eye, at which I turned very red and hurried off to follow her.

The atmosphere was much livelier when I re-entered; people were actually dancing and laughing even though the DJ the college had hired was quite possibly the lamest I'd ever witnessed – he was about fifty and trying to get his groove on in his little booth to 'Milkshake' by Kelis.

I soon sussed why the atmosphere was so much 'happier': Reno and Rude were holed up in the furthest corner of the hall, doing a roaring trade in providing people with vodka to top up their punch with. As I feared, Kairi was at the front of the queue holding out her cup expectantly. Well… I guess just _one_ won't hurt her. I went over to Baldy and Redhead when she was out of sight and tried to persuade them not to give her any more, but they shook their heads and chatted some rubbish about 'the customer is always right'. Resisting the urge to smack their heads together, I stalked off.

I found Leon outside, perched on a bench on his bill-tod, most probably due to the fact he was chugging down on a milk bottle rather than the little punch glasses everyone else had. He'd decided on his pinstripe suit with a blue shirt, but had mercifully left his bowler hat at home. I promptly sat my sweet ass down next to him.

"Yo Leo. Haha, I rhymed."

"Hey Sora. What's up?"

"Nothing. Just managed to offend Kairi and embarrass myself. The usual."

"Mhm."

"What you doing out here on your own?"

"I've no idea. I don't even know why I came."

Uh oh. Dangerous territory. Where the fuck is Cloud? He's always there when I don't need him.

"You wait here a sec, I've got a surprise for yoooou," I said, surprised at how creepy I sounded, before rushing off to find the bondage babe himself. The hall was the picture of insanity, people falling over mid-dance and slopping 'punch' all over each other; I soon spotted Cloud at the front of a conga line, quite out of place amidst the Westlife blaring out of the speakers and hastily grabbed him and yanked him to one side.

"Sora! You should NEVER stop a man mid-conga."

"It'll be worth it, dear," I sighed, feeling rather tired all of a sudden as I led him by the arm outside to the seating area. "Just walk round that corner," I instructed, giving him a little push and pointing right. He was off on his merry way with little more than an inquisitive glance; I jumped hastily into a nearby pile of bushes and made my way in what I had hoped would be a very silent manner until I was behind a tree from which I could watch the action.

Cloud rounded the corner, and began to walk down the path looking in every direction (even up, for some reason) until his eyes fell upon Leon slouched on the bench. Apparently he was prepared for the situation, most probably having practised it with his pillow or something equally stupid as he didn't turn into an absolute boob in leather pants on the spot. Instead, he took a deep breath and approached Leon, who hadn't yet looked up.

"It's Leon, right?" he asked, his voice a little higher than usual. Leon finally took his eyes off his shoes, which he evidently found extremely interesting, and his eyes fell on Cloud. Even from my spot behind the tree and in the dim moonlight it wasn't hard to miss Leon's eyes turning into saucers as he looked him up and down. I heard him swallow heavily, his hand rising shakily to scratch the back of his ear. Aw, young love.

"Y… yeah, I er… and you're um…"

"I'm Cloud," the other chipped in helpfully, noticing Leon's loss for words.

"Yeah… Cloud."

Cloud couldn't keep the grin off his face, as he steeled himself for what to say next. "You don't… want to come and get a drink with me do you?"

Leon swallowed again. "Uhh… sure."

And they were off. Together. And it is all MY doing! I refrained from laughing in a most evil fashion for fear of scaring random passers-by into thinking that the tree was somewhat possessed, before turning to go back into the hall and drink to my success, when I was met face to face with –

"Vincent!"

He looked as startled as I felt, jumping a little and raising a hand to his chest. Goodness, he looks flash. Flasher even, than myself! He was wearing a simple black shirt and a pair of tight, dark grey jeans tucked into a pair of boots. He's like Kairi – one of the lucky ones that can look effortlessly good no matter _what_ they wear. I am envious.

"Oh hey… Sora," he stuttered, shifting uncomfortably between legs. There was a moment of awkward silence.

"So how come you're out here and not inside… dancing?" I said, having a hard time imagining Vincent dancing, but unable to think of anything remotely interesting and/or intelligent to say.

"As much as I was enjoying the music, I felt like a little fresh air," he replied with a small smile. I smiled too, for some reason.

"Yeah it is pretty dire. Plus everyone's drunk off their arses," I said, hating myself. Why am I so incurably crap at talking to people I don't know? My hand snapped up to my forehead and started playing with a chunk of my hair, until I remembered that I might draw attention to The Eyebrow and stopped myself. Vincent however, continued to smile.

"Shall we… sit down?" he suggested, bringing into light the fact that we were standing in the middle of a clump of bushes for no apparent reason. I agreed, and we both stepped over a little row of shrubberies to sit on the bench Leon had occupied moments before – you could tell, due to the discarded milk carton on the floor.

"So…"

"Sooo…"

Ohh God, think of something good to say, think of something good to say…

"Hey look, a milk carton."

Ugh. Failed.

Vincent looked at me strangely, either taking pity or deciding on whether I was an actual retard or not. No, I must save this conversation if it is the death of me! I searched my shit-for-brains frantically, trying not to blurt out something about his hair, which was looking extra shiny this evening.

"How come you're not drinking?" was eventually decided upon.

"You mean that juice they're trying to pass off as punch?"

"Oh no, you mustn't have heard. There's these two goons in the corner of the hall selling vodka to people," I said, mentally cringing as I thought of Kairi and how far gone she must be after all the time I spent hiding in the bushes and so on.

"Oh, I wasn't even onto them. I don't really like drinking any way," he spoke lightly, scratching his chin. He really does have the strangest voice I've ever heard – it's so hoarse, but quite soothing at the same time. I must record him speaking and play it to myself at night.

No, that would be weird.

"I only drink in emergency situations. I'm normally the sad, lonely sober one with their friends draped round their shoulders," I said honestly. He smiled slightly again, and I took the initiative. "There was this one time though, that I got absolutely titwanked…"

And that's how it started. We chatted for what seemed like _ages_, telling each other stupid stories. Well, my stories were just plain stupid, his were actually interesting. I was surprised at how easy he was to talk to – it wasn't the impression I'd gotten at all on Wednesday in the lunch hall with Kairi, and I could see how the two of them could have become friends, or 'Biology Buddies' as it were. There was something about him that made me want to know _everything_ about him. He'd just finished telling me about his first History lesson, when he asked:

"Yeah, but there's something I've wanted to ask you all night…"

I squirmed a little, for some reason. "…yeah?"

"What's with your eyebrow?"

I couldn't help bursting into laughter, to his bemused expression. I told him what had happened, from razor to coffee beans; he grinned and chuckled a little, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Ohh God, that's bad."

"I know, I felt like a right tit."

"Anyway, I'm quite thirsty. Can I pick you up a drink?" he asked, standing up. I replied with a 'yes', and he was off on his travels towards the hall, currently blaring with Sean Paul. Ha, I remember Kairi dancing to Sean Paul once when she was dr–

Oh Christ, Kairi! How long have I left her unattended?! This is bad. Very, very bad. Ghastly, even. I stood up and began to walk towards the gym, dreading what I was going to find there, when Vincent came back out in somewhat of a hurry, spotting me and making his way up to me. He looked quite terrified – most definitely something Kairi-related has happened. I was okay though, as long as she hadn't started –

"Sora, I think you'd better come… Kairi's robot-dancing."

Sweet, merciful heavens, I have less time than I thought! Vincent must have noticed my exasperation, grabbing me by the hand and leading me through the doors. I wasn't sure whether it was the gym or something else but I felt unreasonably hot for some reason – most probably the anticipation of the impending doom waiting for me in the centre of the dance floor.

Sure enough, there she was surrounded by a large group of people laughing and clapping along as she showed off her 'moves'. I have no-one to blame but myself, I thought as I watched her. I wasted no time in marching straight into the group of people and grabbing her forcefully by the shoulder; I knew she'd break her promise vis a vis alcohol consumption, but she seemed especially bad tonight. I shot evils across to Reno and Rude, still in their corner.

Kairi swung her head round and gave me a very drunken, goofy grin.

"Heeeyy Sora! Watcha me do THIS!" she slurred, trying to drop to the ground, no doubt to try and break dance or something ridiculous. I hoisted her back up.

"Kai, now's not the time for break dancing," I said slowly and clearly, hoping it would permeate.

"But it's AAALWAYS time for break dancing!" she exclaimed, causing the crowd around her to cheer. She waved, and attempted to give a little bow. There was no point in continuing this conversation, and I began to half-drag, half-carry her towards the door. Vincent hovered around for a while, before offering to help. I thanked him and told him I could handle it by myself, tugging her arm tighter over my shoulder. It was that moment that her head snapped up unexpectedly, her eyes falling on something to the left of the room.

"Heeey Sora look! It's that guy you fancy!" she babbled, causing a fair few people to stop what they were doing and turn to watch. I resisted the strong temptation to gag her and tried to desperately to get her out of the building, but she found her feet, removing her arm from round my shoulder and grasping my arm quite painfully.

"Kai, we've got to go!" I pleaded.

"Nooo, we got something to do!" she replied as she began to drag me over to the left side of the room. It was only then that I looked over, and almost died of redness as I saw Riku standing with a group of friends. For the love of all things holy, please no. I tried to free myself from her vicelike grip, but it was no use – her godly strength had increased tenfold in her drunken haze, and we moved slowly but surely closer to where he stood.

We'd attracted quite a bit of attention now, a crowd of raucous bystanders were following us until we reached where Riku was. His friends looked at us interestedly, he himself trying politely to look anywhere but at us. I could have died where I stood. If I had any sort of upper body strength I would have hauled Kairi over my shoulder and raced out of the building, but that of course was out of the question. I just stood, every part of me hoping that all that would come out of her mouth would be incoherent drabble.

"Hey, hey RIKU!" she yelled. He finally looked up. I don't know if it was just me, but he seemed a little embarrassed. Ho, you got nothing on me mate.

"Er… hi," he replied meekly, giving a small wave. I felt an unfamiliar swooping sensation in my stomach as I looked at him, illuminated by the coloured lights still darting around the room. But now was not the time for swooning.

"Yeah, yeah! You see, this is my best friend Sora!" she shouted, having apparently lost all volume control. My eyes fixed themselves on the floor.

"Hi, Sora."

Ohh God, what next?

"Yeah, and you know what!"

"What?"

"…"

"…"

"HE WANTS TO PUT HIS WILLY IN YOUR HAND!"

And with that, Kairi went crashing to the ground in fits of hysteria, bringing my world down with her. There was a ringing silence, ruined only by the boom of the stereo, as people stood in shock at what had just happened.

Then came the laughter.

And oh boy, was it ever loud. People actually fell to the ground, clutching their sides, hanging onto each other for support. I stood for a moment, wondering _why_ I couldn't just die right there, or _why_ the ground couldn't just swallow me up, before gazing down at Kairi's form on the floor – unconscious. For a second, I hated everything about her. I hated her cocktail dress, her sparkly shoes, her red hair, and I hated the way she always let me down.

I bent down and grabbed her beneath the arms and dragged her till she was half-standing before holding her round the waist and walking slowly towards the door through crowds of jeering, laughing people – I didn't care anymore. I felt a weird sense of apathy, even looking up at Riku to see him quite red in the face and staring at the floor. I dragged Kairi's limp form down the path, hearing footsteps coming swiftly up behind me. It was Vincent.

"Hey Sora… you sure you don't want any help with her?" he asked awkwardly, obviously having heard everything that had happened.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks anyway Vincent."

"Call me Vince."

I somehow managed a small smile as I turned and continued to drag Kairi down towards the gate. I noticed two shapes in the bushes to the right, and was vaguely surprised to see it was Cloud and Leon doing… well, let's just say they weren't playing hide-and-seek.

Down the path, out the gate, onto the sand. I was lucky in the way that Kairi's house is so close to the college, I could already see the bedroom light she'd left on blinking in the distance. I walked in a kind of torpor, unable to do anything but replay that scene in my head, wondering if I could ever show my face at the college again.

Finally, we arrived at her house. I fished in her handbag for her house keys and unlocked the door, dragging her unceremoniously up to her bedroom before laying her on her bed. Looking down at her sleeping peacefully, I couldn't hate her anymore.

It was my fault after all, I thought as I made my way back home after locking up her house safely. It was my fault for not watching her more carefully, making sure she didn't drink too much. It's my fault that I can't control her when she gets drunk.

It's all my fault I fail at life.

* * *

WELL! Wasn't that a big one?! It's well over three times the length of the other chapters. Kudos for finishing! Haha.

I felt like I should make up for not updating in such a long time, so here you are! I really, really, _really_ hope you enjoy reading it as much as I love writing it.

I think that last line sums up Sora's outlook on his life, and I think it's something we all feel sometimes. But don't worry, every cloud has a silver lining, etc.

Reviews would be greatly appreciated, if you've stayed awake long enough to reach this part! Thank ya!

Lots of love, Starlyte x


	5. Aftermath

Vanilla! CH5

Weeell, I'm not updating as soon as I had hoped to, as I have been _le_ tired and have had mountains of artwork to do for college. Plus I FINALLY finished KHII, but it came at the price of suffering extensive brain damage at the hands of Luxord, whom for the life of me I could not beat. I was throwing a right wobbler and my (12 YR OLD) brother comes in like 'ohh I'll do it for you' and then goes and totally PWNS him.

I got 87 percent on Jiminy's journal, how lame is that? I suck at life. I'll have to go back later and unlock the secret ending, 'cause I've only seen pictures of it and got in the biggest hype ever. Do you have to beat Sephiroth to get the ending? God help me.

I thought the game was pretty easy over all – easier than the first one at least. I kept myself amused by finishing all of Leon's sentences with '…because I'm going to have sex with Cloud', and all of Cloud's with '…because I'm going to have sex with Leon'. Even with out that though you could tell they were blatantly in love with each other. XP

Anyway, I'm done.

TRON IS SEXY!

…Okay, now I'm done.

XD

I haven't decided whether this is the last chapter or not. I have a really big epic-saga-storyline planned out in my noggin, but I'd really like to write some other stories without the worry of updating this one hanging over my head. This chapter would make a jolly nice ending, but I could carry it on if I wanted to, if ya know what I mean? It makes me sad though, because I absolutely adore writing it.

Major thanks to: Lunarkitty15 (as always! I'm glad you enjoyed it!), NocturnalWriter (never lose hope, my dear!), simplicity1love (wow, thanks! I read on your profile that you don't normally review, so it means a lot), Zimm (your reviews make me happy. I'm so glad you like my characters) and finally scarlettHuntress (why thank you, I do what I can! –blush- XP).

* * *

It's a shame that I had to wake up to Cloud prodding me tentatively in the face. It's a shame that I had to wake up at all, really, what with my life being over and everything. I opened a lazy eye and was met with the most charming sight of the blonde-haired buffoon in nothing but a t-shirt and nautically-themed boxer shorts; I curled up tighter into my blanket, hoping it was just some terrible mirage that would go away if I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to ten, but he unfortunately noticed I was awake, ceased prodding and clapped his hands happily.

"What do you want?" I croaked. "No, in fact, what fool let you into my house?" 

Cloud drew a deep breath, grinning and looking altogether too pleased with himself for me to have a good feeling about what was coming. "Leon took me here after the dance! He is _such_ the gentleman, you know Sora! We got back, and he made me a pizza, before _carrying_ me up to his room, where we–"

"Cloud," I interrupted, rubbing where my right eyebrow used to be as it was feeling rather irritated.

"Oh! You're right," he mercifully broke off, gazing off into the distance and coming over all glassy-eyed. "It's probably not the right time for that."

"It is never the time for that."

He looked quite affronted, as though shocked at my unwillingness to hear of his sexcapades – honestly, I've known him for four years now and he still doesn't know me from beans. If I drew a face on a spud and gave it a giant wig I bet he couldn't tell the difference. He brushed his bed-head from his face, stood and walked over to the door, turning before he left.

"Kairi's coming over."

The door was closed before I could reply. I cannot believe the outrageousness of some. Does he even know what she's done _vis a vis_ the metaphorical ending of my life? Is there anyone that doesn't? I bet it spread like wildfire, what with all that alcohol around after I'd dragged her half dead from the premises; I relived the whole incident in my head – the crowds, the shouting, the Vincent, the laughing, the Riku's face…

She's ruined _everything_. Stupid, stupid ruiner of things. I curled up even further into my blanket and pulled it up so it completely covered my head, fat hair _et al_. If she was going to come, and God knows nothing would stop her, I didn't want to see her face lest I turn into the Incredible Hulk and go on some sort of rampage. I don't know how she's going to try and talk her way out of this one, if indeed she remembers what she did at all. I'll give her credit for coming over through what must be a murderous hangover, but I don't see myself forgiving her in the foreseeable future. Even though she is my best buddy and all of that, she has crossed several rhetorical lines with this one.

All too soon it seemed, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, heard her stumble once or twice, heard her open the door to my room, and heard her come to a halt next to my bed. I seemed to be radiating hate through my duvet, as she didn't speak for a few moments, which was a refreshing change. Evidently she knew what she'd done – normally she wouldn't hesitate to dive on top of my bed and molest me till I pushed her off. Part of me wished she would do that – pretend that nothing had happened, never speak of it again. But it's never that easy, I suppose.

"S… Sora?" she asked, her voice cracked and dry. I started for a moment – it wasn't very often that I heard her like that, and it wasn't what I expected at all. Truthfully, I expected her to handle the situation in true Kairi style, to ramble through an explanation, present me with some sweets and tag a rushed apology on the end.

"What?" I grumbled resignedly, realising too late that I could have feigned sleep and not had to face her at all.

"I… brought you some milk and… honey," her voice growing quieter with each word, as though she was afraid to speak them.

Even through all my anger I realised I couldn't stand her being upset; it reminds me of all of the things she's been through, and believe me when I say that's no small statement to make, and how she never lets them get her down; the last thing I wanted was to be the cause of another one, but then again, I had to at least wait for some sort of an apology.

"Are we expecting Moses?" I mumbled through the blanket, trying in vain to alleviate the situation, failing miserably as per usual. There was a silence, where I heard a slight rattling that I presumed to be the glass of milk on a tray.

"No…" she sighed, and I heard her setting down whatever it was she was holding next to my alarm clock on the bedside table.

Silence.

I don't know how long we stayed there, each waiting for the other to talk – I still couldn't bear to look at her, though not because of anger anymore. The way she was acting held resonance with the seriousness of the situation – seeing her upset would make it seem ten times worse. She hadn't even sat down, like she felt she was a stranger in my house or something. I was about to tell her she didn't have to stay any longer if she didn't want to, when she finally spoke.

"I'll fix it, Sora," came in nothing more than a whisper. "I'll definitely fix it for you."

I remained quiet for a moment, thinking about what that could have meant.

"Fix… what?" I asked slowly.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, so sorry. I should have listened to you Sora, I shouldn't have… have drank, I should have stayed… wi-with you all night," came out in a tangle, her voice wavering desperately.

It was only then that I realised that there was nothing that _to_ fix. I didn't have a chance in hell with Riku whichever way I looked at it, I got laughed at in college anyway for some reason or another, but it never really mattered as long as I had _her_ by my side, no matter how much trouble she got us into. This was just another stupid teenage drama, and I suddenly felt ridiculous for treating it like some sort of tragedy.

"Kairi… it's all right, really. It was just a stupid mistake," I muttered, finding a lump in my throat.

"But… I let you down, Sora, you told me not to… to drink but I did, and then everything just went wrong and, and I never, ever want to… to let you down… again –" she broke off, evidently having reached her limit before falling to her knees with a soft thump and dissolving into hysterics.

Without really thinking about what I was doing, I flung the duvet off from around me and tumbled out of bed frantically, making my way over to her, inexplicable tears falling down my own cheeks.

* * *

The rest of the weekend passed in a flurry of dread for Monday morning, permeated by Leon finding a spider in a bunch of bananas and Cloud's (many, many) visits. Apparently he and Leon are some sort of 'item' now; Leon won't admit it, even though Cloud was busy telling anything with a pulse of the 'joyous' news. You'd think they were engaged the way he was prattling on about it.

I had to use my special zoning out ability whenever he tried to talk to me about it, due to his inability to keep anything to himself, from relatively innocent things such as what they'd talked about to horrendous things like the size… of certain articles.

I strongly considered staying home to grow my eyebrow for a week, as it seemed to be taking its sweet-ass time, but I was foiled by Kairi knocking for me in the morning; even though we'd agreed to not talk about Friday night (the thought of which still makes me shudder), she was still laden with all kinds of sweeties and was being super-duper nice to me even though I was going to make us both late and hadn't even got round to taming my hair yet.

She went and sat on the couch, striking up a random conversation with Leon and Cloud, who was perpetually glued to Leon's side.

I shall call them… 'CLEON'.

Apparently Cleon are taking the day off, but I didn't have the heart (or the stomach) to enquire as to the reason. I got ready hastily, not wanting to arrive at our English class late and attract even more attention than I was bound to receive over the course of the day. I shall have to grit my pearly whites and get on with it; Sora Connolly does not shy away from confrontation! Except perhaps from people bigger than he.

Eventually I was ready, Kairi having drawn on my absent eyebrow with a pencil she'd bought that matched my hair colour exactly, (clearly trying to buy the Sora-love), and with anxiety growing with every step I took, she and I ventured forth into the blazing sunlight across the beach towards college.

Everything felt so eerily… _normal_. Kai chatted about how proud she was about getting Cloud and Leon together (I didn't get any cred of course, even though I was quite clearly the mastermind behind the scheme), and how she got a fork stuck in her DVD player; I was not one to be fooled though as I knew it was just God, or Buddha, or some other omnipotent entity trying to lead me into a false sense of security before laying a figurative smack-down on my day. The calm before the storm, if you will.

The cast-iron gates loomed into view as we rounded a corner onto the path leading up to the building, and my legs turned rather jelly-like as I saw the people standing outside chatting, many of which I recognised from the dance.

"Don't worry Sora," Kairi said suddenly. I turned to look at her, and she smiled reassuringly. "Just say the word and I'll kick some ass!" she went on, making a fist and punching her other palm with it, the calming smile becoming a maniacal grin.

"That… won't be necessary," I replied resignedly, although I thought I'd keep that in mind. She grabbed my hand anyway, swinging our arms happily as we neared the college, dragging me forward when I tried to make stupid excuses to go back home with the promise of even _more_ sweeties, though I couldn't tell where exactly it was she was keeping them and talking inanely to take my mind off it.

I attempted to keep my head down, until I realised that my ever-conspicuous hair still rose high above everyone else's; we strode quickly past the first group of girls met with only a few whispers and a very audible 'OH, you didn't hear what happened did you Fuu?!'

"See! It's not that bad after all," Kairi said, beaming – she evidently didn't see Tidus attempting to strut his way over to us from over her shoulder, the smarmiest of smarmy looks on his faux-tanned face, coming to a halt in front of myself for a change, his back to Kairi.

"Sup fag-boy!" he yelled, slapping a hand on my shoulder and bringing his big, orange, ugly mug right up to mine – I swear, if he wasn't a renowned gym-a-holic I would have slapped him right in the chops, but I had to content myself with the filthiest look I could manage as he went on. "Seeing your boyfriend today then?!"

A little hand made its way over Tidus' shoulder, tapping him lightly on it - his laughter subsiding slightly as he turned to be greeted by Kairi's fist colliding forcefully with his cheek, sending him reeling some feet away before tripping over his own feet and falling backwards. Several girls squealed in horror, whilst a few guys snorted in disbelief, a 'Duuude!' popping randomly from someone behind where we were standing.

"Get bent, Tidus."

Kairi looked about to spontaneously combust as she glared down at Tidus making his way clumsily to his feet, rubbing the offended area where an angry red patch was already forming; he turned to look at her, a look of complete shock making him appear even more idiotic than usual – a fate I had not deemed previously possible. And then it happened. After almost an entire year of worshipping the ground Kairi walked on, his rose-tinted glasses snapped and he finally saw the demented, psycho-bitch Kairi that every one else knew and loved her to be.

Backing away slowly, still looking relatively glove-slapped, he took one last glance at the tyrannical beast before turning and fleeing. I looked at Kai myself, who had calmed down and was smiling cheerfully at me again. I really, really, didn't know what to say. Thank you? You shouldn't have?

"Er…"

"Ohh, that felt GOOD! I've wanted an excuse to do that for so long!" she gushed, before turning and heading towards the main doors, receiving a high-five from several girls who had fallen foul of Tidus' 'manly charms' in the past.

"You're welcome…" I muttered, running to catch up to her side before we both headed towards our lockers to dump our bags in. The English corridor was on the other side of the college, and we were already rather late after the duffing-up fiasco, hence there was no time for the mandatory bag of Skittles; we raced down hallways and up a flight of stairs before bursting noisily into the room, red-faced and panting – in short, the exact opposite of how I'd wished to arrive.

The entire class, including the dopey Mrs. Thomas turned to peer at us as I tried to make my way stealthily to my seat, though I was foiled by my button getting caught in Vincent's hair. After a tedious few moments it was freed, and I reached my seat, mumbling an apology, slumping down so low so that only my head was visible. Looking round, I saw that anyone who wasn't still looking at me, trying their hardest not to laugh had turned to whoever was sitting next to them and whispering.

Wishing very much there was a black hole under my seat, I ignored everybody's beadies on me and retrieved my English book from my folder, setting it on the table and looking as un-bothered as I could, waiting patiently for Mrs. Thomas to begin the lesson. I might as well have waited for a pig to fly past the window with the way she was sat faffing about with her laptop. It probably wasn't even turned on.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

It was with fervent relief that I made my way back to my locker at the end of the day alone, Kairi having been detained in her Biology class for abusing the gerbils. I'd pretended to spill the contents of my folder all over the floor of my Chemistry room (which was thankfully poisonous-gas free once again) to give the rest of the class a chance to get out before me and bugger off elsewhere, as I'd had quite enough snide comments to last me a long time.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time picking up my books, Mrs. Watters even telling me to get a move on as she wanted to get home and have a 'bevvy'. Not wanting to detain her for long after a tedious lesson, even without Cloud present, I checked the corridor was clear before heading out the door and heading towards the stairs.

It felt so _good_ to have a break from the constant giggling and raucous comments that had stalked me the whole day through, as I made my way towards where mine and Kai's lockers were down empty hallways, past empty classrooms. All my thoughts were on the evening ahead, and the fact I'd gone through the whole day without killing myself and/or others; I reached my locker, dropped my folder to the ground and entered my combination, pulling when I heard the click.

What… that _was_ the right combination wasn't it? Why isn't the bugger opening? I twisted the knob again, hearing a definite 'tick' sound before attempting to open it again.

And failing.

Fantastic, this was. Just what I needed. I pummelled the door with my girly slaps before trying once more, heaving with all my might (which albeit isn't saying a great deal), only to be rejected and left with no option but to stare angrily at it in the hope it would spring open spontaneously. I sighed, letting my head fall against the cold metal locker, silently mocking me with its being stuck and unreasonable.

"Sticky locker?" a voice came from somewhere behind, a little way down the corridor.

I didn't even bother looking up to see who it was, replying with a singular, grumpy 'yes', simultaneously banging my head against the door a second time. Whoever it was chuckled, and I heard footsteps come up behind me; I assumed they were heading towards their own locker, before they stopped right next to where I was stood, still with my head leaned and my eyes closed.

"I'll fix it for you," they offered. What a random, friendly stranger. It made a refreshing change to the attitude of the rest of the world – ahem, _college_ – that day. I turned, about to move out of the way and say thanks, when I finally clapped my peepers on who it was.

Riku.

Just… standing there smiling like nobody's business, clad in a navy t-shirt and jeans, his hair tied in a ponytail at the back of his head. I swear, I must have broken the world record at going from nought to Absolute Redness as stared stupidly at him, attempting to comprehend the situation – Riku, talking… to _me! _

I have entered the twilight zone.

He was just… peering at me with apparent interest, possibly intrigued by the aubergine colouring my face had adopted, possibly wondering why I hadn't replied and was still leering at him like a lunatic. Ohh frig, what do I say?! Should I apologize for Friday? Should I pretend that nothing happened? Should I run away home with my tail between my legs?

The latter option seemed the most desirable at the moment, and I almost took a step forward before he spoke again.

"So, you want me to fix it or not… Sora, isn't it?" he asked, smiling again. How does he expect me to not melt into a puddle or Sora-flavoured goop right then, right there?

"Ah haaah," was the only thing that managed to fall out of my mouth, which seemed to be suffering from acute paralysis; he laughed again, before stepping up right beside me and thumping the locker with his fist, making me jump slightly.

"Try your combination again," he said. I obeyed almost mindlessly, still not having absorbed entirely what was going on – why was he being so nice to me? Hadn't I embarrassed the bollocks out of him at the dance? I twisted the knob once more, waited for the click and pulled.

It worked! He clearly has _le_ magic touch. I grabbed my bag, intending on thanking him (or at least trying to say something somewhat coherent) and rushing off as fast as my skinny little legs could carry me all the way home – I expected Riku to move onto his own locker, but he stood back slightly and scratched the back of his neck as though he wanted to talk. Oh God, I really would liquidise if he tried to have a conversation with me.

"Th… thanks," I managed (hoorah! In English and everything!), before turning and starting towards the main entrance, willing my face to tone itself down in case I happened to run into someone else looking like a tomato in a wig.

"Erm… Sora?"

Curses! He really _did_ want to talk to me. Ohh, it wasn't going to be about Friday was it? He was probably expecting some sort of apology, and as Kairi the Buffoon wasn't here I suppose it had to come from me. I turned slowly, steeling myself to carry on producing whole words instead of nonsensical jibberish.

"Yeah, about that… I er… am really sorry and… stuff. If you – "

"What are you talking about?" he cut across my rambling, laughing slightly. "I don't want an apology."

"Oh…" I breathed, wondering about what he _was_ after.

"I was actually kind of… wondering if…" he began, scratching the back of his head nervously, "…well, I'm not promising any willies in hands," he continued, causing the abominable blush to return with reinforcements, "…if maybe you'd like to… go and see a movie some time?"

You. What.

Have I just… been asked out?

Have I just been asked out… by Riku?

"You… you don't have to, if you don't want to," he added quickly, snapping me out of my stupor as I realised I hadn't even answered and was once again staring blankly at his face, at his mouth, where words had just come out, words that asked me to go to the movies… with him.

WITH HIM!

"Y… yeah! I'd love to!" I burst, rather too excitedly, mentally slapping myself. He sighed, letting his hand fall from the back of his neck to his side – he broke into a relieved smile, moving a step closer to me. A small gust of wind suddenly flew down the corridor from an open window some way behind him, his bangs rustled slightly, the smell of something fresh, like ocean spray, or tilled earth lingered in the air for a moment as I looked into his eyes properly for the first time.

And I swear I almost lost myself.

I don't know how long we both stood there, but I know I could have stayed a hell of a lot longer.

"So… is tomorrow night okay?" he asked slowly, eventually. I shook my head slightly, bringing myself out of the torpor, taking my eyes off his. It took me a while to process what he'd said (I hope I get used to that, or he may think I'm somewhat 'special').

"Yeah that's fine," I said, strangely quiet.

"You live in the little house at the side of the beach, right?"

"That's the one," I replied, wondering vaguely how it was that he knew that, but not really caring.

"I'll pick you up," he said, smiling yet again, causing me to grin myself, " and I'll walk you home now, if you don't mind?"

"If… you want," I stuttered, as he walked round me towards the main doors. After a moment of furiously trying to get my legs to move, which seem to have turned to lead at some point in the conversation, I hurried up to his side as we made our way towards the bright sunshine streaming through the entrance; it felt _so_ unreal, _so_ unlikely, and _so_ amazingly unexpected, walking by his side, that strange, sweet, fresh smell still remaining.

It was without a doubt the happiest I'd felt for a long time, and by a long shot.

And I made a mental note to tell Kairi how much I loved her, and her big mouth.

* * *

Jesus, there was a lot more angst in that than I'd previously anticipated! I apologize if it wasn't to people's taste!

Anyway, I've decided to put this story on hiatus for a short time whilst I work on something else, so I beg of thee not to take it off your alert/fave lists.

Reviews would make me a very happy bunny. X3

Thank you so much for reading, and I sincerely hope you've enjoyed the story so far!

Lots of love, Starlyte x


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